Welcome to my humble home. Please come in where it is warmer and safe. Do be careful of the bats, vampires and other er, . . . visitors. It has been a very long time since anyone visited and you are so warm and delicious . . . er, welcome . . . It is such a pleasure to meet you. Please come in and stay a while. You have nothing to fear. Midnight, the black cat, and I will accompany you as you tour the castle before entering the catacombs. I do understand that is your chosen destination. Enter at your own risk . . .
Please remember to visit the catacomb captives and leave them much needed staples. The catacomb cells are dark, damp, dreary, and lonely. They so appreciate visitors.
Please follow me . . .